Thursday, August 26, 2010

Thanks, But No Thanks. I Dont Need Your Validation.

My friend had an interview today. She wore a wig to cover her natural coily, kinky hair. Her exact words to me were "I need to look more Anglo today. They might not like my natural hair". I told her that was ridiculous. Her hair has nothing to do with her work ethic. She replied "Whatever. I need this job!" I did not agree but I understood.

It got me thinking.

It wasn't crazy or shocking for her to feel the way that she did. People judge. If you need something bad enough you do what you have to do. It's disheartening. When will it be okay to be yourself in this world? When will it be okay to feel okay about being yourself? I'm no perfect being. I get self conscious at times but never enough to disown or deny any part myself. So when will it be okay to be yourself and feel good about it? When you no longer need the validation of others.

Last night I watched a TV show about a PR company (I think that's what it was). On the show the boss had just hired a woman and it was her first day. He told her she looked terrible and needed to step her game up. She was wearing flip flops, jeans and a tank with her hair in a low ponytail. That was understandable. The other women on the job were dressed very nicely. What floored me was the boss asked her to get lip injections. He set up an appointment and paid for it. After internally tussling with the suggestion she decided against it. In the end, she proved herself to be a good worker without the fat lips. I couldn't believe she even considered it.

Its not easy to get to a place of self-validation. It took me years. Sometimes I want to be validated because it feels good to know that someone approves of you. However, I don't need it. Neither do you. The sooner you all start living for yourself, the happier you'll be.

Peace and Blessings.